Think about a situation or a relationship in your life and apply these 3 steps.
What happens if you would not make a connection first?
What happens if you don’t make a clear suggestion?
Share your story!
Feel the Connection,
Brian
Have you ever been driving with a friend, spouse or partner, having an in depth conversation and you suddenly notice they have left? They have left the conversation and you are now all alone, as they are off processing, having a conversation by themselves that you are not part of. Or maybe you were the one who left.
One minute they were with you, tracking right along with the conversation, connected to the cocreation of your shared exchange and next thing you know the connection has been cut off and they are no longer present together with you AND their thoughts. They are now, singularly, conversing with the thoughts in their mind and they have given you no ‘heads up” that they would be right back, or maybe not. Or maybe you have the habit of doing this.
Now, have you ever been with someone who is connected and engaged with you in the exploration of mutually interesting conversation and they pause to say, “Hold on one minute, let me think about that”. They notify you that they are with you, while they go deeper in thought to add something to the connection.
In the latter example they go “within” to add to the connection and co creation of your relationship.
In the first example they disconnect, “without” acknowledgement, permission, or consideration and you are left wondering when they will come back and will they bring anything back that will add to your shared time together.
In the second situation, you wait with connected anticipation to see where their added value will take the conversation.
In both scenarios it is the connection that matters or the “Withness”.
I recently witnessed the natural power of “Withness” in one of its most true, intimate and spectacularly obvious natural forms, when I took a coaching client for a walk with Kylian and Brenda Lee and Lucy.
Brenda Lee was on a 12’ lead line and Kylian was allowed to roam free. What became immediately obvious was the palpable connection between Brenda Lee and Kylian. Wherever Kylian went he was “with” Brenda Lee. If he was in front, he was looking back at her, maintaining the connection, if he was off to the side or behind her he was constantly measuring his connection with Brenda Lee and us as his herd, while having fun expressing himself in playful frolicking.
Brenda Lee was aware not only of her connection with Kylian, Lucy, and us, she was also very aware of our connection with ourselves. When we were “with” she was “with”. When we went within and left the herd, lost in thought, she would immediately let us know the way a 1750 lb alpha mare Shire lets you know. At first she would lay flat one ear, then project her head, then swish her tail, and if we did not reconnect with ourselves and the herd immediately, you would feel a wave of energy that preceded her actual physical reminder to wake up and get “With IT”. With IT being the inner truth of where we were or were not. Were we truly present with our thoughts included, or were we disconnected lost in our thoughts.
To Brenda Lee this was a non negotiable state. You were either with us or you were not and if not she would give you ample reminders before she forced an awakening. I’ll leave it to your imagination how Brenda Lee wakes someone up who is no longer with her. She is very adept at bringing your “within”, out.
At one juncture Kylian actually left Brenda Lee as he playfully chased Lucy. Only during this frolick he became so focused on Lucy that he left Brenda Lee and from 50 ft away Brenda Lee let him know that was not acceptable and he had to ask his way back “With her”
In the end all of our connections with ourselves and each other were so strong that we ran up and down the sand piles bumping off each others bodies like best friends using each others body as leaning posts like we all did as children and sometimes are lucky enough to do as adults.
This time though our friends were 1710 and 990 lbs and 6 lbs and they were directed by mother nature herself.
This withness was naturally beautiful and required no need to make sense of it only sense it for its wisdom to change us forever.
Thinking about our experience the other day – there are many times in life that you be with other people or animals but you are not “with” them in that moment. Seeing how Kylian would run “free” but alway be with us was amazing. Kylian was having fun while staying with us (especially Brenda) in the moment – continuously looking back while seeing ahead. I realized that many times I am physically with somebody but I am not “with” them. Withness is a grounding and a presence that I will continue to present with and foster. - coaching client and witness of the Withness.
Thank you Brenda Lee, Kylian and Lucy.
Feel the Connection,
Brian Reid
What if you are not “At Home” with yourself?
What if, as you go on your walk, you are tense, up-tight, upset, wound a little too tight, or, to be anatomically correct, you are a tight-ass? As uncomfortable as it may sound, these words are accurate descriptions of your state and where you can hold or block energy in your body.
In order to enjoy a scenic hike together with your friends, it helps to be able to relax, let go, chill out and release your tension. This will allow you to be present and in the moment with yourself, with others and with Mother Nature.
It was during such a walk thru the woods with Brenda Lee and little Lucy (the 5 lb Yorkie), that I discovered a fun (and funny) way to release tension and increase our connection to one another.
Lucy, Brenda Lee and I were quietly meandering down a wooded path together. Brenda Lee prefers to walk just ahead of me, and I could see her periodically checking back toward me with one soft eye, a flick of one ear, and then the other. She and Lucy always had me within their sight. Every time I would glance up from the trail to Brenda Lee, she was there, softly gazing back at me. I could see little Lucy’s fluffy ears pivot as she’d tip her head to the side, spotting me in her peripheral vision. I found myself returning the smile back to them both, comforted and happy to be alongside such beautiful animals in such a naturally exquisite setting.
When I smiled, I could feel a distinct and pleasant difference as my face and jaw would relax. But I noticed that although the smiling helped to relax tension in my jaw, my lower body and stomach still remained tense. I decided to let my smile drift downward and through my body until I could feel the tension my body held, slowly dissipate. When it finally did, I felt a release in my butt cheeks.
Brenda Lee and Lucy
Wow!
I did not realize how uptight I had been until I felt this release. I was a being “tight-ass”. And releasing that tension felt good! I felt an increased sense of calm, and, most surprisingly, I felt more at ease with myself and my ability to simply walk. I repeated this smiling exercise, as Brenda Lee, Lucy, and I, continued our walk together. First, I would smile “upstairs” and then smile “downstairs”, releasing down through my abdomen and taking relaxed, deep breaths. As I glanced over to Brenda Lee and Lucy, I let them sense my new-felt connectedness as I felt it flow through my entire body. And each time as I would look across the path to them, they would already be there, eyes and ears focused back toward me, ready to receive my gaze.
They were already there. They were already connected to me, and they were waiting for me to catch up to them! So quick and effortless was their connection to me and to one another, that they had realized I was connecting to them before I could recognize it myself. This was great! I felt such a warm reception of trust and love from both Lucy and Brenda Lee – I felt like every pore in my body was smiling!
I was “smiling with all four cheeks”.
As we headed up a hill, I realized that as much as this may have been an epiphany for me, this deeper level of connection was natural for both Brenda Lee and Lucy. They seemed to sense my new found relaxation and whole body awareness before I had even put it to contemplation. I could feel my connection to myself, and, I could really feel my new, stronger connection to Brenda Lee. I felt so confident in this new-found connection that I decided to remove the lead rope I had been using to walk with her and try out our new “invisible lead line” of connection. I was used to doing this with Lucy. I would now have to depend upon my new relaxed inner joy radiating outward to Brenda Lee to become the only means of keeping her with me.
With our invisible connection to one another, we headed onward, exploring the trails.
As we continued through the woods together, Brenda Lee would get a bit ahead of me and then circle backward and around, heading back toward the barn, where a delicious green pasture awaited her. As she turned to depart away from me, I relaxed and “smiled” my butt cheeks, allowing the joyous release to rise up through my body – all the way to my face. I was grinning like the Cheshire cat. I was “smiling with all four cheeks” and an open heart. I attached this new peaceful, joyous state to my desire to walk together with Brenda Lee and Lucy. I focused on my “wanting” Brenda Lee to return to me. And, it worked!
As soon as I would refocus my release, she would turn sharply and come running back to me. What a beautiful feeling, having been chosen for her company over the green and grassy pastures of home.
Once I was at home with myself, she could choose to be home with me – which was enough for Brenda Lee. (And Lucy too!)
Brian and Brenda Lee
Horses really do know the way home.
Feel the Connection,
Brian Reid
What’s the matter with you?
We are all familiar with this statement or some close facsimile, whether we were the recipient or the deliverer of the statement. It is usually used to denote something is wrong. I want you to consider this unconventional though natural response: YES!
That not only is there nothing wrong, in actuality this is exactly what is in our nature to aspire to. In other words YES! To have what matters with you is more powerful and satisfying than what matters. It is only through relationship, the “withness” of something, your witness of what matters, that the mattering of what matters is released and received.
This was naturally evident to me when I went for a walk in the snow covered forest on a recent moonlit night with Katleen, Kylian and Brenda Lee.
Let me first introduce the contents and characters of this learning experience:
The Moon…The Light to see by in the dark.
The Forest..The natural context that this event played out in.
The Snow…The amplifier of the light and the drowner of the sound of my self dialogue so my awareness could expose “The Mattering”
Katleen…my wife, my partner, my “Withness” as I Witnessed one of natures most profound teachings.
Kylian…Katleen’s equine Friesian partner and Mattering Magnifier.
Brenda Lee…The Magnetic Matter.
As darkness settled over the forest, Katleen, Kylian, Brenda Lee and I headed out for a walk through the deeply snow covered forest. The walk would only be a short one in terms of time, 20 minutes, but in terms of life lessons learned it would be timeless.
The show was 4” of fluff on top of 2” of crust on top of 6” of old snow. In other words, the footing was intermittently suspect at best. This would be more of a trudge than a walk.
We headed out because we wanted to get Kylian and Brenda Lee and ourselves out of the paddock. This winter has been and endless task of the same. Snow, ice, rain, repeat. Feed, water, muck manure, repeat. All done in the same 1 acre paddock. We all needed to get out for some quality time and the early night was not going to stop us.
When we started out it was dark-dark, and then the full bright moon of a crisp February evening came up like the rising sun to light up the entire forest. The moon was so distinctly bright that Brenda Lee kept posturing toward it, investigating it as if it were some huge spotlight with someone or something behind it.
As we began to walk, I felt compelled to trust the natural bond that was forming, or had formed, between Kylian and Brenda Lee. They have only been together for a few weeks and Brenda Lee has never been a horsey person if you know what I mean. Though this time I recognized what I had seen in the past…Brenda Lee mattered to those around her.
So we took off Kylian’s lead rope and let his bond with Brenda Lee be the only connection to keep him with us.
As soon and he was free, off he went playing and frolicking through the forest with no mindfulness of the presence of the paths present. He ran to and fro through the trees and under brush seemingly unaware of anything but his freedom.
Kylian would run just out of sight of Brenda Lee and we kept walking along our way, he would then pause, take it all in then come charging through the snow and brush to find and connect with what mattered to him, Brenda Lee.
He would run right by her off to another obscure, out of sight spot, pause, breath and return to what matters.
Brenda Lee would see him coming with welcoming awareness until he crossed that invisible line, usually about 25 ft. upon which she would turn and wield her hind hooves and definers of “HER SPACE”. Kylian would run around this space as if there was an electric fence surrounding Brenda Lee. He repeated this playful gesture always checking to see if the electricity was turned on in this invisible fence of clarity that existed between them.
Kylian was free to go anywhere he wanted to go. And where he wanted to be was “With What Mattered” to him. He was so clear on what mattered to him that nothing else mattered.
The witnessing of his clarity of his sense of, and sensing of, what matters, uncluttered by any attempt to make sense of what matters, was the learning experience I found myself in the middle of witnessing.
While Brenda Lee was concerned with what that new big bright light may be, and what possible threat it could have to her or “her herd”, ( Kylian, Kateen and Myself), to what mattered to her, I noticed that both Kylian and Brenda Lee experienced what matters with all their senses.
Those blessed beings that have the clarity of sensing that through relationship, we discover and feel what truly matters, can be our teachers of nature’s lessons.
It is in our nature to move toward what matters to us.
It is in our nature to feel what matters in the context of relationship.
You matter and what matters to you matters, now move toward it like your life depends on it because…..
Consider replacing the question, What’s the matter with you?, with the question, What’s the MATTER, with you?
What is that Matter, with you?
Are you with that Matter?
Start mattering today!
Feel the Connection
Brian Reid
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