Guest Blog by Katleen
What do we do now?
I don’t know, we’ve never made it this far before!
This little quote from the movie “Edge of Tomorrow” motivated me to write this little Whispering for you today.
After many moments of sharing space and experiences together on the ground and on his back, Kylian and I went on our first full trail walk; together, in Brian’s and Brenda Lee’s footsteps and hoofprints.
It was not the first time for Kylian to carry someone on his back, out in the woods. Years ago we would take out 6- and 8 year olds into the forest to explore. He has also carried me around the pasture while grazing or hanging out with Quinn (at the time) or Brenda Lee (since early 2014). While this kind of trail walk felt like a natural next, it also felt like a “new” next after a new start here in the USA 7 months ago.
Helmet on, bareback pad on, rope halter and reins and hop, up up on his back I went.
I felt calm, trusting, excited and a little scared at the same time.
Calm and Trusting about what I know: our connection and the way I feel with him and upon his back.
Excited and a little scared about what I know: knowing how much he loves running free, frolicking, creating his own way, exploring left and right, running away from us and galloping full speed while kicking up his heels at a 45 degree angle as he finds his way back through the bush.
How would our walk go today?
I didn’t know.
How did I feel about everything that I don’t know?
Can I be in a curious state?
Can I be in a mindful state, present with a soft eye and experience this walk together?
What mattered to me was that we did this together. I wanted to offer him his freedom of expression and space to move in his own rhythm. At the same time I wanted to feel connected, offer him safety and let him feel that I am taking responsibility to do the best I can being aware of him and our environment. I took a soft deep breath and arrived in the “here and now” and felt for our connection in that moment. Gently I asked him to follow Brenda Lee into the forest. Whether it was because of the newness of it, or because of him purposely being careful: we started walking, very gentle, steady but soft, with a focus forward toward Brenda Lee and a soft eye. I could see his eye look back at me, his ears fully paying attention to the human on his back, while I kept my focus and my soft eye at him.
I felt him float underneath me, fluently moving. I noticed what he was looking at and could clearly feel his intention to keep moving forward while taking in his environment. He was aware of the different energy during this walk and it was beautiful to experience his witness – and witness him – from this perspective. I definitely felt our Withness. And with our, I mean Kylian’s and mine, Brian’s and Brenda Lee’s. Because even though they were leading the way, Brenda Lee was looking back and adding her part to this calm and gentle journey. Brian’s energy was soft and “down” and compared to the other previous walks, he did not infuse a far away forward focus with playful eagerness. He had a soft eye and a nearby focus, enjoying this walk in his very own way together with Brenda Lee by his side.
We arrived at a point where I felt our walk coming to an end. That last half Kylian and I were moving so much as one that it felt perfect and I actually wanted to get off, give him a big hug and enjoy whatever would follow next from his side. I jumped off his back and Brian looked at me – surprised – and asked me why I’m on the ground. “Well…I thought we were at the end” , I said as surprisingly. “You are the passenger, you are not supposed to decide today. Hop back on and don’t know, be curious with Kylian”. Me, fully back in my head now, go again through the phases of excitement and fear for what’s next and reconnect. I become aware of Kylian actually just standing next to me waiting for whatever would be “our next” and decide to hop back on and guide us both up the hill, back in Brenda Lee’s and Brian’s footsteps.
Only don’t know. Be with.
And from this state again I could see, feel, notice all nuances within myself, within Kylian and around us. And this was and is what matters to me.
Isn’t it astounding how quickly one gets disconnected and arrives in that lonely place of “expectations” and how a little cue helps us to reconnect again and to arrive in that wide open space, full of opportunities, endless possibilities and awareness of all things and others around us.
How a simple walk can be such a great experience, for 4 individual beings, all in their own unique way, yet all together. Every new adventure we begin is one we have never been on before, even if it sometimes looks or feels very familiar to one we know.
Can you “Only Don’t Know”?
Can you be curious?
Can you Be With?
Share your adventures below!