What’s the matter with you?
We are all familiar with this statement or some close facsimile, whether we were the recipient or the deliverer of the statement. It is usually used to denote something is wrong. I want you to consider this unconventional though natural response: YES!
That not only is there nothing wrong, in actuality this is exactly what is in our nature to aspire to. In other words YES! To have what matters with you is more powerful and satisfying than what matters. It is only through relationship, the “withness” of something, your witness of what matters, that the mattering of what matters is released and received.
This was naturally evident to me when I went for a walk in the snow covered forest on a recent moonlit night with Katleen, Kylian and Brenda Lee.
Let me first introduce the contents and characters of this learning experience:
The Moon…The Light to see by in the dark.
The Forest..The natural context that this event played out in.
The Snow…The amplifier of the light and the drowner of the sound of my self dialogue so my awareness could expose “The Mattering”
Katleen…my wife, my partner, my “Withness” as I Witnessed one of natures most profound teachings.
Kylian…Katleen’s equine Friesian partner and Mattering Magnifier.
Brenda Lee…The Magnetic Matter.
As darkness settled over the forest, Katleen, Kylian, Brenda Lee and I headed out for a walk through the deeply snow covered forest. The walk would only be a short one in terms of time, 20 minutes, but in terms of life lessons learned it would be timeless.
The show was 4” of fluff on top of 2” of crust on top of 6” of old snow. In other words, the footing was intermittently suspect at best. This would be more of a trudge than a walk.
We headed out because we wanted to get Kylian and Brenda Lee and ourselves out of the paddock. This winter has been and endless task of the same. Snow, ice, rain, repeat. Feed, water, muck manure, repeat. All done in the same 1 acre paddock. We all needed to get out for some quality time and the early night was not going to stop us.
When we started out it was dark-dark, and then the full bright moon of a crisp February evening came up like the rising sun to light up the entire forest. The moon was so distinctly bright that Brenda Lee kept posturing toward it, investigating it as if it were some huge spotlight with someone or something behind it.
As we began to walk, I felt compelled to trust the natural bond that was forming, or had formed, between Kylian and Brenda Lee. They have only been together for a few weeks and Brenda Lee has never been a horsey person if you know what I mean. Though this time I recognized what I had seen in the past…Brenda Lee mattered to those around her.
So we took off Kylian’s lead rope and let his bond with Brenda Lee be the only connection to keep him with us.
As soon and he was free, off he went playing and frolicking through the forest with no mindfulness of the presence of the paths present. He ran to and fro through the trees and under brush seemingly unaware of anything but his freedom.
This is when Nature exposed his nature or the “matter” of things.
Kylian would run just out of sight of Brenda Lee and we kept walking along our way, he would then pause, take it all in then come charging through the snow and brush to find and connect with what mattered to him, Brenda Lee.
He would run right by her off to another obscure, out of sight spot, pause, breath and return to what matters.
Brenda Lee would see him coming with welcoming awareness until he crossed that invisible line, usually about 25 ft. upon which she would turn and wield her hind hooves and definers of “HER SPACE”. Kylian would run around this space as if there was an electric fence surrounding Brenda Lee. He repeated this playful gesture always checking to see if the electricity was turned on in this invisible fence of clarity that existed between them.
Kylian was free to go anywhere he wanted to go. And where he wanted to be was “With What Mattered” to him. He was so clear on what mattered to him that nothing else mattered.
The witnessing of his clarity of his sense of, and sensing of, what matters, uncluttered by any attempt to make sense of what matters, was the learning experience I found myself in the middle of witnessing.
While Brenda Lee was concerned with what that new big bright light may be, and what possible threat it could have to her or “her herd”, ( Kylian, Kateen and Myself), to what mattered to her, I noticed that both Kylian and Brenda Lee experienced what matters with all their senses.
Imagine focusing on what matters to you with all your senses while paying no attention to what doesn’t or no longer matters.
Imagine if letting what matters to you, matter so much that your living depended on it.
Imagine if being with what matters to you is all that mattered.
Those blessed beings that have the clarity of sensing that through relationship, we discover and feel what truly matters, can be our teachers of nature’s lessons.
It is in our nature to move toward what matters to us.
It is in our nature to feel what matters in the context of relationship.
You matter and what matters to you matters, now move toward it like your life depends on it because…..
Consider replacing the question, What’s the matter with you?, with the question, What’s the MATTER, with you?
What is that Matter, with you?
Are you with that Matter?
Start mattering today!
Feel the Connection
Brian Reid
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What matters to me is everything around me. What matters to me is what is not around me. I can now matter to what means most to my family, just being me. Being there for my sisters matter to me. Being there with Brenda Lee matters to me. All these matters make me matter. The matter only exists in me thru life that matters. On a mattering scale, I matter the most to me. I matter the most to Mosely, Diamond, and Maxx. Those who rely on me to take care of them. Mattering is a very important subject if you know how to use it the right way.
Thanks for sharing this wonderful experience, insights and motivation.
Yes, the moon was absolutely haunting and beautiful 2 nights ago…..I am out with my horse at night, usually from around 8p-10p and always enjoy the mystery of the moon …..So glad to meet others that do too! Earlier in the winter I was hearing great horned owls. I have made some amazing progress with liberty in the snow at night….it’s like having the lights on on a moon lit night. We’ve also been snow shoeing in the pasture…a great way to work on stick to me….when cutting a trail my horse is so happy to follow and not to have to work so hard getting through the snow!
….I also understand Brenda Lee’s horsenality is alpha so she’s not so much looking for an equine leader…gotcha!!! What a great learning opportunity for us to hear about her personal space and Kylian’s natural respect for it…Thanks again for your continued inspiration….It seems that unusual weather conditions offer us opportunities to improve our relationships and be progressive with our horses.
Hey Anne!
The weather certainly challenges us and as Kylian’s human I find myself being challenged also in this new relationship. Get out of the “box” of the comfy 1-1 situations and get into the dynamics of deep snow, 2 “free to express themselves” kind of horses, the forest, sometimes the dogs … I learned to appreciate this in a very short period of time and like Brian taught me: it’s in those situations that you grow. And … I’m loving it
Oh, I SO enjoyed this post on ‘what matters with me’, starting with the sweet photo of the four of you together walking. I am at this time in my life at the moment where I am still aware of a whole bunch of stuff that doesn’t/shouldn’t matter – but . . . I don’t have to worry about all of that, because as long as I focus on what DOES matter and move toward it ‘like my life depends on it’ – everything else falls into place. So, instead of worrying about what doesn’t matter, I just enjoy what does matter every day, stay authentic about my desires and intention – and presto – it’s so simple.
Katleen, I know what you mean about challenging your comfort level. I am someone who has always been a little adventurous. There have been times when that presented challenges, but . . . I have survived and the BEST times I have known in my life were also the ones where I just went ahead and jumped out of that box! You have all kinds of adventures ahead of you. You know what they say – “No guts, no glory!” It’s true. A life of 100% guaranteed predictability – not for me!