At some point in our life, we deal with loss …The loss of a friend, a partner, a soulmate.
In a recent conversation with my wife we talked about Quinn, the Friesian she let go off in 2011. He used to be Kylian’s best friend before he met Brenda Lee in person and he used to be Katleen’s equine soulmate, along with Kylian.
This Whispering is about how I used the story of being human to help her in 2011 with how to create life in the next chapter of the story of Quinn, her horse friend.
The human I’m referring to is Frank Reid, my father, and how he became more alive in my story of him since his death than when he was alive.
My father, as all of us, had many sides to his personality. I often refer to him as a “More Than”. More kind, more selfless, more funny and more generous Than anyone else I knew. More mean, more violent, more selfish and more fearful Than anyone else I ever knew.
After his passing, I got on with my life and decided to pursue a childhood dream of being a Body Builder. During this venture I could often be witnessed in the gym lifting incredible amounts of weight. People around me were amazed and gave me great space when I was working out. Not because I wanted them to but rather because of the intense focused state I would put myself into, in order to lift these weights. I would tap into my fathers’ violence and meanness and move weights that were previously beyond my imagination.
While in this state a funny thing happened, I was filled with gratitude for my father being my father. Something I had lost long ago, wiped out by the states of being on the other side of too much alcohol, and what that does to an already intense personality acting out his pain on others.
Here I was, headphones on, listening to Christine Aguilera’s music as loud as it would go and the most obvious forces driving my performance were my fathers intensity, anger and violence applied to my childhood dreams in a focused pursuit.
I never asked for this intensity but here it was, available for my use to create rather than destroy. An option only made true by my choosing to direct it toward the life I wanted to create, the story I wanted to write.
I wondered if he ever had this option, if he was ever aware of this choice.
Resentment, loss and anger were transformed through awareness and understanding to gratitude, love, and support and the gift was my father “ALIVE” in my life, lifting me toward the life I wanted to create. My father was alive in my life and I was forty at the time. “Thank you Frank”.
Back to Katleen. As I listened to Katleen share her feelings of her loss of Quinn I was moved to see how well she was doing.
I remember she was feeling the loss, the pain, the sorrow and she was O.K. with it. She was actually slightly beyond O.K. to a state of satisfaction that she could at once feel pain, loss, sorrow, and confusion all the while feeling warmth, fondness, connection and love toward her companion. She was solid in her authenticity and genuineness. Two states that Quinn taught her were the foundation of living in the moment and following your heart. As I listened to her, I felt a sense of relief that she was doing well and a sense of gratitude toward having a friend who lives life according to the life lessons her horses have taught her. To be in the moment, to be genuine and authentic.
In her authenticity she shared that she will never get to feel him again. She alluded to her sense of his “goneness”, his forever absence from her life, his death.
This is where I asked her to think about another option, his Life.
I shared with her the story of my father and asked her to consider that every horse she owns or rides from this day forth will be influenced by her relationship with Quinn. She could honor his life and bring him back into her world by feeling for his presence and guidance with every relationship she has going forward and toward the life she is creating. She could create the story of Quinn’s next rather than his never. The choice was hers, she was aware of the option.
I also reminded her of how so many people ask me how old Brenda Lee is, while what they are really asking is how long till she dies. What they don’t know is Brenda Lee will always live in my life forever as Quinn does in Katleen’s story.
It’s not the story of the loss of Quinn, it is the story of the living of Quinn in Katleen’s life.
Visit this link to read Katleen’s guest Blog about Quinn.
Have you been in the situation of losing a loved one?
What are the gifts that your loved one(s) have left for you, today?
Share it with me and with us all and let your gifts expand.
Feel the Connection,
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Ahhh Yes my friend, these words you speak are oh so true… While dealing with my own loss a short few months ago, I was blessed enough to have you reach out to me regarding the loss of my beloved step Mom , Daria.. To this day I have not forgotten what you shared,I am sorry, Please forgive me,I Love you, Thank-you, or that I already knew parts of it. I will go through brief moments of sadness , allowing myself to grieve, but I want, NEED, to LIVE, so LIVING is what I choose. Daria taught me so much about LIVING, I will forever be a better person because she LIVED. I can share all the wonderful things she shared with me, she can and will live on through me, What a gift !!! When I am able to catch myself doing or saying something she shared with me, wow, it is the best feeling in the world, I have now shared her love with another <3 Thank-you for this blog, and reaching out when I needed it so much .. I guess what touched me and really resonated for me is how even the DARK memories can be made into Light, light that moves us further then we could ever imagine.. Katleen is so blessed to have you Brian, as we all are, YOU are making a difference in this world… Thank-you, Joni
That was a very inspirational blog you wrote, Brian. I lost my dad when I was just ten years old. Although I don’t remember much of him, I do remember him being a very sweet, caring and loving dad. I hear stories from my older sister and enjoy every single one of them. I wish I could’ve known him like my sister knew him. But what I do remember, I cherish forever in my heart. I remember most going to the Bronx Zoo with him. Everyone tells me I look just like him. My childhood is blocked from my memory. I still can’t get over the fact that he is gone and that one day he will come back for me. This is the hardest part, realizing that he is gone forever. I still have a hard time accepting that. He has left me with the kind gentle soul that he was. I guess I took with me his personality. And his hard working self. I miss him terribly. I wonder what he would say about my life if he were alive today. Would he approve? Did I make him proud? I often think of these questions a lot. But, deep down I think I honestly know the answers to those questions. I learned a lot from HKTWH and team. Especially Brenda Lee. I often talk to my dad about you and her. How you inspired me to do the things I want because I can, because I want to. And Brenda Lee, how she spiritually inspires me in her own way. Had I not found HKTWH I don’t think I would’ve come this far and be on the next chapter of my life. With your story, Brian, I think I can now put my dad to rest. Thank you for this. I can now move even further in my life.
You are one inspirational person. You’re words are so very true. Sometimes I was unsure how I would be able to handle the death of a loved one. I never lost someone in my life so close. I’m beyond lucky that I never have experienced the death. Till this year. One of my friends from school who just graduated last year passed away in her sleep from an unknown cause. I got a text from my friend that morning it happened, I immediately got up and drove over to my grandparents farm (where I work with my dad). I tried to hold every tear in because I just didn’t know how to “feel”. While rounding up the cows that I have hand raised from calves. I walked up to my cow/best friend and i just broke down and how much it effected me. All I could really think about was, how will I go on after this. I thought about how big of a role my friend was in my life and how much she had impacted others. Now every day when i drive past her house on my way to school I put a smile on my face because that was one thing she was noted for, her endless smile. Its now been 7 months since her passing and I still feel the hurt from her absence but she has left so much in the small time she was here. She has taught me how I should treat others, never judge, always smile, laugh, always have a good time, and on top of that Always Be Yourself. If I could personally thank her for everything she has done, I would. Then back to my best friend/cow part. It’s truly amazing how much animals can help sooth the soul when dealing with the losses and bad things of the world. I sometimes wonder what would it be like if my cow passes because she was the only thing that I was able to hold onto when everything in my life as a child spun out of control. My horse plays a huge role too in helping bring that light into my life. It’s beyond belief how much an animal can help you just by being there. Thank you for writing these words, they really make me think about what this is all about.